Be Forbearing
Have you ever asked
yourself: what kind of person am I? When interacting with people, do they look
forward to seeing you again? When people see you, do they feel comfort and
ease? When you join a gathering, is the room filled with serenity?
How can we answer
these questions? Can we answer these questions? In this blog post, hopefully we
can take a quick journey together to better understand ourselves. Let us try to
find a response to the following specific question first.
Are we forbearing?
Before answering this, we may ask, why is this important?
Because we all
live on earth and have interactions with each other. Through these interactions
all of us will be harmed in one way or another throughout our lives. This is an
essential part of being human. How we respond to harm will tell us a little
about the state of our mind and heart, our character.
Few in number are
the people who still hold on to this beautiful quality of the mind and heart,
forbearance. This is the quality of being forbearing. But what does “being
forbearing” really mean?
It means to be lenient, forgiving, gentle;
to be leisurely in manner, not hasty; to be calm, serene; to manage our temper;
or to exhibit moderation.
It means to have a wisdom and a forbearance
that allows us to control our anger. It is an intelligence that, allows us to
control our anger, even if our anger is justified.
Given this
definition, are we forbearing? If not, then how can we take a step towards forbearance? Let us quickly look at
the following five aspects to help us with the “how”.
1-Perspective
We need to change our perspective on
what is important to keep in our hearts and what is not. Sometimes it takes a personal
tragedy or a problem on a bigger scale for us readjust our lens. Currently, our
world is going through an unprecedented pandemic. Sadly, many people are dying,
and any one of us could be a victim of this pandemic. In a time of need, what
role do we play? Are we selfish or compassionate? As we struggle, do we really
want others to struggle? Have we paused and reevaluated the actions we have
taken, are taking, or will take to harm others? Do we dwell on the past or are
we looking forward?
If we do not take this time to
reevaluate our selves and change our perspective, then we might not ever be
able to. Stop looking back and begin looking forward
with optimism, hope and love. Be forbearing.
2-Fluctuation
We must acknowledge and know that as
human beings we are never in one state, situation or condition all of the time.
Our intellectual, spiritual, emotional, physical, financial and any other state
we could think of, are variables that can and do change.
Sometimes
we are healthy and other times we are ill. Sometimes we are very happy, other
times we are very sad. Sometimes we may be wealthy, other times we may be poor.
Sometimes we act carelessly, other times we are more careful. This is the
nature of human beings. This is what makes us human.
If it was
not for this continuous change of state we would not need self-help books, we
would not need motivation, guidance, therapy. Sometimes we love, other times we
hate. Sometimes we desire, other times we do not. As humans we are not steady
state. Our minds and hearts are in constant fluctuation. The key though is to always try to be in a generally
positive or beneficial state in regards to our mind and heart. Try to be
forbearing.
3-Realization
If it is
our nature to constantly change then why do we permanently label and judge each
other? Why are we so stubborn and not willing to be flexible with either our
views or actions?
People will harm us. They may even go
on a continuous and zealous movement to harm us. We have to realize this fact.
But more importantly we should, in an effort to absolve those who harm us,
bring up the question(s). Is there a relationship between mental instability
and the desire to harm? Is there a relationship between mental instability and
anger? Is there a relationship between mental instability and vengeance? We
should come to the realization that there may be.
We should come to the realization
that those who persist on harming us may very well be lacking nourishment to
their minds and hearts. In fact, their actions and mentality are only harming
themselves. So, it is upon us not to reciprocate their harm. Do not fight fire
with fire. Rather, pour some cool water on it. This is the better way. This is
the stronger way. This is the higher way. This is the intelligent way. Nourish
your mind. Nourish your heart. Be forbearing.
4-Reward
How much
weight is taken off our chest when we extend our arm out to shake or hug that
relative or one-time friend that hurt us many years ago. They hurt us and had no
remorse. Yet, we chose to be the better human and we were instantly rewarded by
that feeling in our mind and heart. We were rewarded for being forbearing.
Let us try
to always extend our heart out to others. Even if we think, “know”, they do not
deserve it. I promise you. At the end we will be the victors.
5-Epitome of Forbearance
What kind of person will we choose
to be?
Here is a
true, sad, yet inspirational story. On the night of April 19, 2015, in
Lexington, Kentucky, a 22-year-old man was killed when he was making a pizza
delivery. During the trial, the father of the victim, said to the man who
assisted in the murder of his son, "I don't blame you. I'm not angry at
you. I forgive you..." The father then went on to embrace the defendant.
Such powerful words and actions. What would we have done?
Let us
take lesson from this father who forgave his son’s murderer as the epitome of
forbearance. Life is too precious and short to hold onto grudges. We are
witnessing this in our current pandemic. Let us live by the following statement:
Have mercy on others so the ones in the heavens can have
mercy on you.
If we can
do this then we can better understand and/or answer our questions from above.
We can take a step towards being forbearing.
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